Venting

i need to vent. i have a lot going on in my head. i dont ever feel like i can escape from it. a lot of it has to do with my need to do the right thing: to be the daughter/sister/friend/teammate/employee/therapist/party planner that people need me to be. i need to talk to someone about how i am feeling and what is going on in my life, but everyone else has things going on in their own lives. jobs lost, money issues, illness, sickness, old age, death, a combination of all those things. but this is how i feel.

i feel buried under my own expectations. expectations of my surroundings, of where i am in my life, where i am going, what am i doing. who i am.

these expectations that have bred fear., uncertainty, anxiety, self depracation, frustration, irritation, rudeness, exasperation. i dont knwo where to turn for help, and i feel like i am drowning in myself. and then i feel selfish and guilty for drowning in what feels like self pity.

the cycle has started with me and my need to please everyone. but what if at the end of the day i am not pleasing myself?

I have been here before. its just a bump in the road, and i will get through it. but this time i want to make sure i do it the right way, and find the real reason behind my feelings and work it out for myself.

Attitude is everything

{Psalm 37:4}

Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

I had this tattooed on myself for a reason. Now it is time to find that reason again.