Reflected Projections of Personal Perceptions

Confused?
Me too!

I used to think i had a pretty realistic view of my personality, good or bad (i am a little sarcastic,very self depracating, and a good listener (i hope)), but maybe i have no idea.

the girl i sit with at work made a comment in passing about me being standoffish, and i was shocked, and immediately launched into a million questions about who thought that and where it came from, then she tried to backpedal in that joking way that you do when you realize you have opened a can of worms with another person and dont want to get into a long discussion. 

"no you aren't standoffish, you are bubbly 100% of the time (sarcasm) and "why are you freaking out about it"

but i kept pressing it and she said that two people had asked if i was ok earlier in the week because i had not been talkative.

i wasnt feeling well, and did not feel like talking, and had a lot of work to get done, so that is my reason for being "not ok"

I dont like being asked if i am ok.....i never have, it feels insincere and a little nosy, you get a hint that something might be wrong and want to jump in and get all the details. ok, i realize that sounds REALLY bitchy, but i am a very expressive and emotional person, if i am really not ok, you will be able to tell very easily. i dont like that not being talkative enough is reason enough to discuss if i am "ok" with someone else, not even with me. (vent)

So here is where the reflected projections come in:

it hurts my feelings to think that people might consider me standoffish, because i am not. but that is my perception.

my perception is that it is better to be quiet and not nosy if the conversation does not involve me, so i try not to be a meddling buttinski (my mom says that), all up in everyones business. if a co-worker comes in to talk to my cubemate, i think it is impolite to stick my nose into their conversation. perhaps i am reflecting that projection on people who come into my cube, and therefore i am being labeled as standoffish, because their perception is that you have to be 100% chipper and cheerful 100% of the time, and if they aren't, something is wrong, and it warrants discussing with other people.

I hope this makes sense, sometimes it is so hard to express feelings over the internet, especially with people you havent met, but at least it is an outlet for me!

phew! it is very cathartic to express how you feel, even if it comes out in a huge jumbled confused mess!