...goes to a hot yoga class, and doesn't come out looking like I went swimming, with hair that looks like Priscilla Presley, with a face to rival the ripest tomato. I do not sweat delicately. I do not glisten or sheen, I sweat ugly drops that drip into my eyes, ears, onto my yoga mat, and often do not stop sweating until long after class is over. It's gross.
...can eat just two cookies. or just five. One day I ate an entire sleeve of thin mints at my desk in one day. I felt very proud of myself at the time, but now it's embarassing. I figure I will eat them all eventrually, so who cares if it is in one sitting? That way I can get the guilt out of the way all at once!
....can sit still and focus on one task for more than five minutes. I have been sitting at this computer screen for less than 5 minutes, and my mind is already wondering if I should dust or vacuum, where one of the three books I am currently reading is, what will happen tonight on Revenge, and marveling at the gorgeous spring day that is right outside :) #attentiondeficitmuch?
.....will have a fairy tale love story. I had what I thought was a fairytale romance once (it was at the beginning, but quickly turned ugly), and I don't think I am due for that to happen again. Some people have chance meetings, karmic connections, otherworldly circumstances, and some people have a love story that starts in a very ordinary way. I currently have no love story, but for some reason I see it playing out in a very generic, un-exciting way. Here's hoping I'm wrong....
....can paint her own nails and have them look nice. It just doesn't work
....that can start a series on netflix, and then stop after a few episodes. 1-2 episodes per night, yeah right, try like 12. My track record is very very bad when it comes to binge watching shows. House of Cards and Revenge are my two latest victims. Of course, all the binge watching usually leads to dreams related to the series, that's always fun. Not.
....has a keen eye for what looks good together, whether in decorating a house, or picking out an outfit, pinterest is my very best friend.
.....can take baths. The temperature is never right, I don't have any bubbles, I feel like I am stewing in my own filth, and I can't be trusted with my phone or kindle or glass of wine while in the tub. This bums me out, but what can you do?
.....can watch a soldier homecoming video without crying ugly, ugly tears. Never.
....can budget. My Mint app on my phone is a constant source of guilt, as I charge (no pun intended) my way through almost every budget I set every month. Clothes and food are the worst. ugh #guilttrip
...looks nice at home. Once my day is over, all bets are off. Old Navy makes the comfiest athletic shorts, and I own no less than 9 (yes, 9) pairs of the same shorts, and they are in constant rotation around the house.Usually accompanied by a mismatched shirt. What? No one is around to see me, except for the random delivery person..
....can buy just one of something. If I like it, I need 5 of it, one in every color (see above). Most of the time I have a favorite of the 5 I buy, and that one gets used/worn the most, but I don't know that at the time and can't risk missing out!
I think that's about enough confessions about my shortcomings for one day. Happy Sunday!
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