(This was written at a low point a few weeks back. I was feeling lonely and vulnerable and lost. Please excuse all the typos)
My heart and mind are heavy tonight. very heavy. heavy with fear, fear of death, fear of being alone in my hour of need, fear of being robbed again, fear of failure, fear of lonliness, fear of accidents, sickness, cancer, loss. with worry, guilt, with judgement of myself, of others and others judgement on me, with shame for caring what people think, for thinking ugly thoughts and saying ugly words, with lonliness, resentment, insecurity, uncertainty, jealousy, regret, sadness, exhaustion, grief, inadequacy.Some of these burdens arent even mine, they are factors of outside life seeping in, stories of others going through much more painful days than i am. it offers perspective, but also more fear and sadness. fear of being jaded, fear of getting hurt, fear of being emotionally guarded, but emotionally fragile at the same time. fear of only having my parents to depend on. fear of sleepless nights, and godless nights. and mostly fear of not giving God enough room in my heart and my mind to show me my path, my worth and my call to serve in his name....why cant i lighten my emtional and meantal load enough to let god in...
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